My shift (luckily not my truck) had to go to hospital and cut a bar bell spin lock off some clown's old fella (knob), the thing you spin down the bar to hold the weight on
While he was having fun it swelled up and the more he tried to get it off the worst it got
One firie had to hold it while another ran a hacksaw along it

So kids if your feeling horny, go find a girl

When applying a plaster cast to an anaestetised dog's leg, make sure you cast the broken leg. It is very embarrassing when the puzzled owners return with the dog saying "Now he's walking on the cast but limping on the other leg!"

Windxtasy said...

When applying a plaster cast to an anaestetised dog's leg, make sure you cast the broken leg. It is very embarrassing when the puzzled owners return with the dog saying "Now he's walking on the cast but limping on the other leg!"

Huge

Never shoot an air rifle at a hard rubber cricket ball because if you get it on center it hurts like hell when the slug comes back at you.

In a similar ilk

When testing out your latest Highpowered slingshot in your backyard
Do not use a 12mm hex nut
Do not shoot 12mm hex nut at big piece of MDF standing almost vertically 10-15m away.
Remember to duck quickly when the nut comes back at you quickly after rebounding of the MDF fly's over your head, over the patio and crashes onto the tin roof.
Remember to quickly pack up the MDF and slingshot very quickly cause when you wife comes barreling out of the house, she is not going to be ammused.
Remember to look sheepish and appologise when you say you will shoot it at a bed sheet (an old one) next time.



Do not throw full aerosol cans of lighter fuel onto fires (The results are spectaular)

Do not put 303 cartridges in a vice and use a hammer and screwdriver to pull them apart.


When playing with bolt bombs do it well away from anything you don't want damaged.


Do not fill a 12m length of 200nb steel pipe with plastic caps on each end with acetylene then light it... It will get a lot of peoples attention from a surprising distance away,
Not done by me but a couple of the guys I worked with, it was impressive.


Do not have slingshot fights with your brother using self tapping screws.
No matter how good the shot is when you can only see his face peering through a grapefruit tree whilst your are hanging from a branch 10 m up in the air, the screw will fly accurately, the result will be bloody.


Do not insert an art line paint marker in a neatly fitting tube minus the cap.
If you are a sales manager.
Do not do this and then demonstrate it as a peashooter, Do not aim it at a storeman!!!!
Do not blow hard.
The distance was 5m, the pen flew with amazing accuracy and speed (would have hit him at 15m).
The paint marker is inspirational as a standard artline would have just left a dot whereas a paint marker leaves a dirty great big splat mark.
You will have to very seriously have to apologize to the storeman you may have to explain why you are shooting staff.


Even though you are working late at night trying to get some urgent machining done on some large plastic "T" pieces
Under no circumstances should you try rush the work by increasing the speed of the chuck.
The time spent trying to get the fitting out of the ceiling 2 stories up takes more time than you save.
Having your boss standing behind you at the time when the piece explodes out of the chuck may concern him a bit about your capabilities and the colour of his underwear.


Ping pong balls wrapped in Alli foil make a good smoke bomb, 24 balls make a really f'ken big smoke bomb,
Do not let it of in a large warehouse on night shift, no matter how big the shed is it's still gonna take over an hour to clear out.
If you drop one under your car out the front of Hungry Jacks they will come running out with a fire extinguisher.



But wait there's more..........

elmo said...

When kicking a footy in a carpark one day in the rain after a cycle race the ball went into a neighboring paddock.

Climbed nice and safely over the barbwire fence, no probs.

Single strand fence about 1m in from the main fence, ground was muddy and slippery so to save going arse up I grabbed hold of this wire firmly with both hands.

Guess what? I went arse up, I'm sure said arse was smoking when it went up.

I had created the most perfect conditions for the most perfect demonstration of the power of an electric fence (think they run around 7000 volts) Dripping wet, standing in mud and a firm grasp with both hands.

Lesson learnt

Wondered why you weren't keen to try that cure for ross river

Do not ride a motor bike quickly the first time through an orchard with long grass and you don't know precisely where the barb wire fence is.

After you lay the bike down and go through the fence getting a 3" cut on the side of your neck from the fence, enjoy the tetanus vaccination afterwards and thankfully no stitches.

Do not blame me because I can't run as fast as a motor bike to be able to warn you (my beloved) about the fence ahead.

if someone wants to show you a rash and starts to pull their pants down, run away fast.

Elmo- i loved your slingshot one and it reminded me:

DO NOT shoot at grey cat walking along neighbours fence. It may in fact be the head of elderly neighbour and it may be the first time you hit anything dead centre ...

Don't turn the tap in the bath so it is pointing upwards and look into it as you turn the hot water on.
My son did this and spent the night in the burns unit at the hospital. No permanent scars, fortunately.

This one I learned the easy way - by someone else's unfortunate experience.
It is a true story, unfortunately.

Don't remove an eye without first checking and double checking you are removing the diseased one. I guess the same applies for any organ.

A lady in the US had a melanoma in the back of her eye. These spread readily with fatal results, so she agreed to have the eye removed. Unfortunately the surgeon removed the healthy eye by mistake, and the woman, not wanting to be totally blind, refused to have the second eye removed. She died, and the surgeon fled to South America to avoid the malpractice suit.

Windxtasy said...



I was just starting to wonder why I had so many posts in this thread. Am I really stupid / accident prone / do I have a better memory than most ? or are others not brave enough to admit more than one act of stupidity?

Then Elmo posted his massive list and I don't feel so bad.
Perhaps it is West Aussies who are really stupid/ accident prone/ have better memories...

No. Its just that some of us have not yet learned AUS301's lesson "Don't post things on an internet forum that could be one day used against you to highlight your stupidity. "

Elmo, I was first thinking you must have read "The Terrorist's Handbook". Now I'm starting to think that you wrote it.

By the way, do not squirt xylene onto Huntsman spiders in the shed and then light it, especially if the xylene has dripped behind the bench.

Second, if you find that there is a fire in your shed, be aware that it will take about a month to get rid of the white powder put out by a small hand-held fire extinguisher. (Sorry Firiebob. I'll use flyspray next time, although I'm not scared of huntsmans anymore).

aus301 said...

Don't post things on an internet forum that could be one day used against you to highlight your stupidity.

I didn't need this thread for that, most people already know me

Never post on the seabreeze forum if your name is SmellySkater or a whole heap of angry kiters and Lycra wearing tour to caffe riders will get their revenge by red thumbing you

Ouch those red thumbs hurt ouch!

dont "flush out" your laptop with circuit board cleaner.....

don't agree to brothers when they say that doing a jump on a car bonnet towed behind the 4 wheeler will work. it doesn't work it flips over and drags you underneath and is quite painful.

don't put two people on a old Suzuki rm80 that you have just welded up the chassis it my break again when going full speed over bumps which can be painful aswel

don't make a chlorine bomb and throw it then when it doesn't go off decide you better kick it to shake it up my blow up when you kick it and blow you boot off catching your sock on fire you sh@t your self and mates watching think its the funniest thing ever

don't weld in boots without socks on its not fun when slag falls off into your boot and rolls around burning your foot as you jump around trying to get your boot off

don't shot rocks out of the sling shot up into the air over the shed there may be people on the other side and when you hear screaming it is the person that the rock hit. When mum asks if you brought your sling shot deny deny deny other whys you have a sore arse for weeks

Same again don't shot bow and arrow straight up in the air near the house when it goes out of sight start running for cover. Run more when it spikes the garden hose near the front door about a meter from the dog. Mum not impressed again.

when little

don't play with the axe where there are live extension cords

don't borrow dads paint and decide the motor bike will look better yellow rather the blue

This is only a few as well