Setting up your wife's car so that it can throw out 2 foot of flame from the exhaust after hard revving the engine, may look cool and be great for targeting tossers who sit to close behind you...... May also draw the attention of the constabulary.

Same car another story

Running late for commodore sitting up my freckle, kick it back a cog blast of commodore couldn't keep up slow down for traffic commodore back again, repeat... repeat for 5km.
Arm comes out of the commodore pops a spinner on the roof... oh smeg

When the nice policeman states the obvious that you may going a bit quick and he couldn't keep up, when he estimates that you were traveling at 20km less than your last gear change, apologize, put a sheepish look on your face, take the ticket and be thankful, I was.

Same car yet another.

Do not drive a warm rotary engined car with a light flywheel on pea gravel unless you like excitement.

It was a fun car

Dont run with scissors

Don't post things on an internet forum that could be one day used against you to highlight your stupidity.

Do NOT EVER use a mechanical post hole digger, those "work of the devil" petrol powered ones that you can get from the hire shops.

We wanted to pop a few holes in the back yard for some new trees. It was going well until the auger hit something solid. Mrs Bristol and I did a few revs around the thing before we both let go; she dislocated her shoulder, I broke 2 ribs and a scored a big gash to the face.

A few months later, we had a garden man with a Dingo Digger come in and cheaply complete the task.

when reversing up an incline never give more revs if the car moves forward. you may be in 1st gear by accident.

this is especially important when parked in fathers car in front of the local fruit shop.

I've seen something that looks very similar in orchards, but haven't been game to touch them and find out.

Never climb over an electric cattle fence whilst wearing boardies and using a forked stick to push the cables down with.

The stick will only break and leave your boll*cks receiving enough voltage to stun a bull, and you cant hop off or stop it unless you grab the cable with both hands!

(had bruised/ fried nuts for 2 weeks!)

Never.....

Think it will be fun to fill a bin liner with 5 long squirts of acetelyne gas, followed by 5 long squirts of oxygen (oxy-acetelyne). Seal the bag with a car brake lamp (minus the glass) and wire to a car battery- whilst hiding the whole shebang under a coach brake drum near to where your mates are having a smoko.

It wont, make them giggle.....

it will, make them jump...

it will, blow a hole in the concrete floor......(oops!)

Rad Lad said...

Don't try to suduce a woman with an adams apple no matter how hot she is.

i heard lips have no gender?

Double CHECK,
the departure time on your boat ticket when you spend the last of your money on said ticket when in Sumatra, while trying to returm to bali where your friends are waiting for you, 12 oclock could be lunch time not midnight. Even if you cant read bahasa indonesia Pleading your case with the shipping agent while shacking up in a whore house in a stinking port for 2 days does not work. Interesting though!

Sailing one-handed is great - but never take off the front hand if you're not hooked in!

from a near miss: ironing naked is an inherently dangerous activity.

K.F.C. refreasher towels are not a good substitute for toilet paper,

Upthere said...

Mark _australia said...


in keeping with the industrial accidents theme: do not lie under a car and use an angle grinder upside down to cut a bolt off. it will flick out from the grinder's guard and do damage. in my case a red hot nut lodged up high in my nostril. you could see the glow thru my nose if i stood still long enough . very painful and you just can't make it stop- can't get it out and hard to get water up there. later removed with needle nose pliers and still screaming.

sorry no caps due to one arm

So is that really you then in your avatar pic Mark?
i always wondered how something like that could happen but it looks pretty cool

no it is a fakie (and not me)..... just thought it was appropriate as i do have a slightly reamed upper nostril hahaha

well its still a pretty cool story even though you haven't got some rad photo's