but first I must ask some pertinent questions of thee my son 
.... Under the Beergarden constitution ... paragraph 13 section 4a .... and sometimes referred to as the Greenroom rule of foreskin .... exactly how much does that Tockley of yours weigh ???? .... for you see the constitution decrees that posession of a Todger of anything more than 1 kilogram and/or exceeds 12 inches and pertains to 4 inches circumference automatically entitles thee to nomination for the position of President OR at least the denomination of Lord of the Pies OR in the case of obct , gains you life membership to the Bowlo and exclusive use of the ceremonial 23cm soup ladle spanking implement 
I now have to ask thee .... in accordance with and to the Greenroom Department of Unusual Irregularities .... paragraph 13 section 5b ..... if thee have ever willingly bent over & copped a German Metwurst up the old Val Doonican my son ???? .... this includes the magnificently aged 6 month vintage 350 gram varieties AND the mass produced 400 gram super sausage ???
.... one last question .... as per the Greenroom Directorate paragraph 13 section 5g .... otherwise referred to as the Beergarden Boardwhore Act of 1969 .... have thee ever had the wild inclination to Felch Elton John OR the whimsy to allow Tony Abbott to sit on your lap (in his Budgy Smugglers) and grant the Cabbage-eared knob gobbler permission to whisper sweet nothings into your lugs OR had a deathwish similar to participating in a 12 hour sex romp with Pauline Hanson or Rebel Wilson ????
..... well ...... no self respecting fully paid up Beergarden Barfly would entertain the thought of allowing his 3 legged one-eyed Schnapps addicted Dog to munt Pauline Hanson let alone Rebel Wilson for anything longer than 1 , possibly 2 , minutes of terminal velocity vinegar stroking my son Lest the poor miserable bastard suffered Mange of the Pork Helmet
In my erstwhile opinion .... that crustacean odour thee have encountered would have eminated from the butt crack holsters thee scraped off Ms Wilson before thee sadly munted the horrid thing my son tell me my son have thee ever sniffed a high quality leather or suede bike seat after a smoking hot chick jumped off it ?????
the only other reason for that stale crustacean odour could be that the 1384 Pubic Lice (aka Crabs) you inherited from Pauline are busy attempting to inhabit the shells of said Prawns you peel ..... alas I have to inform thee that thy one-eyed trouser Mullet is a photoshop and cannot be relied upon my son for it is widely known fact that any poor bastard who bee bop a leulaa'd Pauline would have his Tockley shrivel into something that resembled a 3 day old Franga hanging in a Gladstone Mangrove branch
Could be fun alright mate,couldn't think of anything better son,surfin,grog,pervin at sheilas,tucker how good does it getDo you love grog
I can only hope thee get good use out of that armature because when your Missus finds out what you've done on her phone and sees this scripture she'll rip the other one off & most likely bung it up your soon to be worn out old Val Doonican and surely deprive thee of copulation rights one can only hope the soon to be lack of copulation grants is worth thy skulduggery
I shall make incursion early in the morning into the soupy arsed Jezabel's cabin & run amok
Elton John's silk purse the brown mancave that is suddenly legal to wed costing the taxpaying punter a squllion in the process the vessel of brown rope & ill winds and that most of queensland emanates from
well I have consulted The Asea .... a.k.a the Prez .... Soothsayer of the Holy Trinity of Pastry - the humble Steak & Kidney Pie .... boardwhore & slutbag gannit of Kirra .... Dropknee Turn extra-ordinaire .... Rum Pig .... among numerous other pontifications .... Pieface has indicated he is somewhat impressed by thee credentials my son although there was some consternation surrounding thee "Chop Chop pfff pfff how's yer mother-in-law" dalliance with Rebel Wilson my son & it was hoped thee bathed theeself in Dettol for 3 hours or at the very least 98 RON Unleaded Petrol
I'm a newy here mate,are you going on this roadtripIt will be farkin grand to meet up with like minded blokes,"oops" and sheilas if there is anyI love this place,do you love grog and pervin at sheilas
can be anywhere if it suits
can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy
can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy
can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy so .... what do you bring to the Beergarden table Malcolm
can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy so .... what do you bring to the Beergarden table Malcolm
can be anywhere if it suits to get past Currumbin Creek so we have one vacancy so .... what do you bring to the Beergarden table Malcolm so how do you know obct & Vanders
can be anywhere if it suits can be anywhere if it suits
can be anywhere if it suits
