First of all you need a decent sized Aardvark, make sure you get it after breakfast as they can be a little cranky first thing in the morning.

Mast Foot Postion
Tie the Aardvarks tail to the rear of the board so the Aardvark is facing the front of the board, get your harness line (whilst folded in half) and measure from the tip of its nose to the end of the harness line this is where you put your Mast base.

Boom Height
The boom height is a similar except trickier method. This time the harness line is stretched out and the Aardvark needs to be folded in half, no as you can imagine your average Aardvark may not like this (neither will the local animal protection agencies) so you really have to catch them unawares, also you may wish to only do this after the Aardvark has done Nº 2's as from previous experience a folded Aardvark can make quite a bit of mess and the smell takes ages to get out of your foot straps.

Harness Line Length
Your harness line lengths is simply done by measuring the Aardvarks erect willie and doubling.

Trust this helps

As you suggest in the start of your own post, it's deeply personal, and you might find will a different response from almost every sailor. Some similar posts have started religious wars.

So, in lieu of a ready (and compliant) ardvaark, it might be worth checking out some of Cribby's articles on his website www.guycribb.com/ (techniques->tips) on trimming as a starting point.

From there you tune for all sorts of things including your height, the type of harness you wear, the state of the water and so on and on.

Elmo; you have been reported to PETA, please place your hands flat on the nearest wall and assume the position. A burly representative with cold rough hands will be with you soon.

Was that the expegated version?