QLD
1363 posts
I have a concern.
I feel that as an Aussie male it is my national duty to bring it to the attention of all my Australian brethren, so that they may take precautions to safe guard themselves against this constantly growing threat.
In recent years there has been a notable increase in shark attacks on beaches Australia wide, which has been met by mixed feelings and responses. It seems as though the majority of people feel that if somebody is unfortunate enough to fall victim to one of these magnificent creatures that it is just a terrible case of bad luck that should not result in any recourse for the offending animal. The other contingency to this story believe that we need to begin "culling" in an attempt to reduce shark numbers, thereby resulting in fewer attacks. The culling advocates feel that too many Aussies are losing their lives to these beasts and that more should be done to protect ourselves from them. While I myself understand the concerns raised by both parties in this debate, i feel there is a far more imminent threat deserving of our attention, that roams our beautiful beaches praying on every day Aussies in more than one way.
Brazilians
Brazilian numbers are constantly on the increase across all Australian beaches. Generally unemployed, these little pack hunting predators can be found daily spending many hours in lineups from the Sunshine Coast all the way down past the Superbank, through NSW to Victoria, utilising their superior hassling/snaking skills to take wave after wave from Australian surfers at their home breaks. I have seen many local surfers leave the water after an early completely frustrated at the fact that the swarming Brazo's had kept them scoreless during their pre work ritual. I have found myself confronted many times by the unsettling scenario of 5 or 6 of the visa overstayers paddling rings around me and blocking my every move to get to the peak of a nice set wave so that one of their 11 flatmates can enjoy the wave I'd waited more than 30 minutes for. During lulls in the waves, they communicate vocally in a dialect that can be be described as a Plastic Bertrand's "Ca plane pour moi" record being played backwards..... Unnerving to say the least....
Terrifying as their surfing exploits may be, they pale in comparison to the way these creatures have adapted their skills to life on Australian soil.
As previously mentioned, Brazilians can generally be found dwelling in 2 bedroom rental flats that they share with 11, 12, sometimes 35 of their fellow countrymen without ever appearing to be gainfully employed (they're always surfing during the day) bypassing all Australian rental laws and subletting laws without ever being held to account. During the evenings they manage to be at all the best party's wooing the most beautiful of Australia's native women. Driven by the tribal like Djembe drumming of their housemates and using inhumanly possible dance moves performed wearing minimal clothing that displays the incredible physiques obtained during the countless hours of co-ordinated surf attacks carried out in the daytime, Australian women are completely defenceless against the supposed charms exuded during the festive onslaught and more often than not find themselves in a bunk bed somewhere in Bondi by 10:00pm. Early enough to be rudely shown the door post coitus so that the offending male can return to the party to ensnare a second evening victim. Not only do these men devour any and all Australian ladies at these events, but the Brazilian women will most certainly not stray from their countrymen. This results in any Aussie men that have lucked their way into such a gathering finding themselves huddled together in a corner of the backyard talking about footy, cricket, the surf and how many waves they got that morning (which we all know is **** talk cos' the Brazo's got 'em all) completely ostracised by all other party goers, leaving them to their wobbly walk home alone bar the company of a dodgey kebab.
As concerned as I am, I generally have no idea how to combat the monumental obstacle presented to my brothers by this rapidly spreading crisis. I ask all of you to think upon this... Only together will we come up with a solution that will hopefully see us rise to a level playing field, if not conquer this scourge of our ocean and land playgrounds, thereby reclaiming what our forefathers such as Mctavish, Farrelly, Nat Young, Occy, TC and the countless others that pioneered the way for all Aussie larrikin surfers and pantsmen and returning pride to all of "The Boys"
752 posts
Don't get bitter, Get better
WA
64 posts
They're making their way into west oz now too. Any peaky beachie (slightly onshore preferably) is where they seem to dominate. The only sure reprieve I've managed to find from the scourge is a flat bottom barrelling reef break wave that preferably steps out here and there. They are a curse in any lineup and I'm personally considering giving up on bali due to their lack of etiquette on the water over there. They don't surf better, they just hassle, snake and even drop in. Hate is not a word I'd use often..
WA
902 posts
Just drop in. They have no rights. Pay back for all the hassle in Indo.
WA
64 posts
Fortunately I have witnessed these pests become a victim of their own sleaze, not with Aussie girls but Europeans while staying at ulus earlier this year. Kinda see the point in the drop in/payback method suggested tho the threat of getting strangled by one or more of the floggers in or out of the water is very real too. It certainly doesn't feel satisfying to burn people on the shoulder at waves like racetracks and padang and seems kinda pointless even surfing them if ya not planning on riding deep as possible.. I wish I had a solution but just can't see one really. From what I've witnessed the brazzos contribute as little as possible to the locales they choose to invade. Hopefully around these places they're given a cold reception even tho it'll probably be in vain given their arrogance and disrespect for anyone other than themselves.
NSW
160 posts
There's many a true word said in jest.
WA
647 posts
So we have two problems plaguing our local breaks it seems - toothy critters with brains the size of golf balls and great whites. Obvious solution is to somehow teach the sharks to eat brazzers and leave the rest of us alone....
Seeing a bunch of brazzers in the surf would be a bit like spying a pod of dolphins out the back
WA
1322 posts
Stick together brothers. Im sure if we mirrored the discussed behavior in Brazil we would be met with fierce aggression . I know when I travel I show respect to get some respect . This is a different story with these tards.
Dont be shy to stand up hard and call it how it is. The mucho persona in the water from them is all B.S , and remember if they have a swing you have the right to report it and send them on the next plane out of here.
Harden up guys - OWN IT!
QLD
48 posts
Come on boys, get back to the 70's strategy
1. Watch and learn.
2. Pick your moment.
3. Smash their windscreen.
4. Slash their tyres.
5. Start the rumor 'Out of order Brazilian' (In the seventies it was tourists in general or D-dragers) Hospitalized after local encounter.
I works boys... ask your Dad.
WA
883 posts
15 years ago it was the Japanese that employed the locals to facilitate the shepherding tactics to maximise the wave count of the visiting Samurai. By travelling in packs and surfing in Packs the Zilla's have have cheated the local Balinese economy of their previously profitable surf chaperoning services, forcing the Balinese surfing community to turn to surf school operation which in turn increases the surfing population un-sustainably and thus, adding to the carnage in the line ups as the Euros with their newly acquired stoke for wave dancing have learnt just enough to be dangerous during their pilgrimage to the Great Southern Land.
There are positives in everything and you need to head this advice my brothers of the Southern Cross...With your wave count failing at the cost of our South American guests who are ripping the frivolity of your nocturnal exploits and opportunities with the local fairer sex from under you, take this time... to wallow on the inside and pounce to the aid of the European beauty recently arrived from her Tropical sojourn,with her newly acquired inability to surf , who has just been smashed by a leash-less fiberglass torpedo, ...provide them with heroic rescue ,first aid, great attention,empathy and a comforting hug and be rewarded with their gratitude and intimate company. The Euro chicks aren't fan of the Zilla's, they love a bronzed Aussie.
So Brothers of the Southern Cross, fear not the invasion of your local surf break by these demons of greed corrupted with goal of world domination, embrace it,... you may never get another wave out the back or get lucky with a local hottie ever again, but your roles as wave-less ambassadors of the Great Southern land shall be rewarded with the finest of Scandinavian loveliness being forever in your debt.
WA
2598 posts
But what about us faithfully married fellas?
